Message sent: You change alot baby. I know I'm a troublemaker, always hurting you using those words. But how I wish I could make you happy all the time. No matter what I'm still here for you and I'll be by your side facing all these problems. I really don't have any other girls and am sorry for what I've done. You are precious gift that I've always wanted, love and miss you. YOU ARE MY GIRLFRIEND!
I wish to tell you that you don't have to make me happy by any other ways, I'll feel happy when you're around. Now I'm facing all the problems myself and I feel the loads in my mind, even in the heart.
To forget is just an interpretation. An immeasurable love’s memories can never be wiped off. Time doesn’t devour memories: It just slowly, painfully converts it into fragments of a dream. Occasionally, something will spark the wrath of the dream, and the dream will alter into a memory again.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Bad dreams
On this particular day, he had a bad dream and he sent: B, don't leave me... I had a bad dream, you left me and don't want to be with me anymore. Dreams can be true you know, I keep thinking negatively. My heart won't feel easy when you're not beside me.
Yet you are the one who left me and don't want to be with me anymore, even. I hope that dreams won't be that true. It's just the antonyms, instead of me being the one leaving you, you left me, all alone. Now my heart feels uneasy every single day.
Tears are such uncontrollable creatures. I tried taking in deep breaths, I tried not to blink, but they just came, spurred by the thought that you have left me. Have you ever cried so much, so sad that your heart starts to emit physical pain as well, like your heart is shedding tears? I had, because that was the first time I experienced that pain:Sharp, strong and like an emotionally-injected sting. I wondered if he had heard my plea, my love, his love, our love, my pain. Which single molecule is not a memory of him? When we were into our relationship then: There was no sign of any loss in love, and our relationship was as steady as a rock. We chatted with each other every night, and updated each other of our status almost every hour. But now, every trace of our relationship was gone; just like that. Don’t forget him. Just don’t remember him. Take away anything that reminds me of him: His pictures in my handphone, his photo in my room. I never forget true love: I just don’t remember. But everything reminds me of him.
Yet you are the one who left me and don't want to be with me anymore, even. I hope that dreams won't be that true. It's just the antonyms, instead of me being the one leaving you, you left me, all alone. Now my heart feels uneasy every single day.
Tears are such uncontrollable creatures. I tried taking in deep breaths, I tried not to blink, but they just came, spurred by the thought that you have left me. Have you ever cried so much, so sad that your heart starts to emit physical pain as well, like your heart is shedding tears? I had, because that was the first time I experienced that pain:Sharp, strong and like an emotionally-injected sting. I wondered if he had heard my plea, my love, his love, our love, my pain. Which single molecule is not a memory of him? When we were into our relationship then: There was no sign of any loss in love, and our relationship was as steady as a rock. We chatted with each other every night, and updated each other of our status almost every hour. But now, every trace of our relationship was gone; just like that. Don’t forget him. Just don’t remember him. Take away anything that reminds me of him: His pictures in my handphone, his photo in my room. I never forget true love: I just don’t remember. But everything reminds me of him.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Type of guy
The day before the 2nd month, bicker over small matters like what couples usually would. He sent: Sorry that's my fault..I've over react towards you.
Though it's too little too late, at least I'm realising it now. Isn't he sweet enough to give in all the time when we have arguments? And mostly I was the one whom is at fault.
For now, sinking into a memory of one of the touches you stroked on me, I cannot remember the physical touch, but I can remember the delicacy of it. Have I forgotten you? When I tried to forget you, I had just thought of you again. Are you, are you thinking of me now, as my mind revolves with your image, again and again? ~~~~~~~~ It was not a decision based on emotions when I decided to break the news to you. I had thought of it for months: The happiness that we shared, it is never going to last, and if that is so, why still pursue a love that is going to writhe away soon? Why create more happiness, when I know that this ring of glee is going to be part of a memory that you will dearly miss, and I will heartbreakingly forget? When I step out of the main door, I love you deeply, but am going to tell you that we are going to separate soon. The pain is not the separation: The pain is the love that we share; the love that was once so blissful is never going to be refreshed again. The pain is that we are still so much in love, yet we have to let go now. Only someone who had experienced this before will understand. Isn’t it ironic? It is my profound love for you that brought us together. Now, it is the same profound love that will separate us.
Though it's too little too late, at least I'm realising it now. Isn't he sweet enough to give in all the time when we have arguments? And mostly I was the one whom is at fault.
For now, sinking into a memory of one of the touches you stroked on me, I cannot remember the physical touch, but I can remember the delicacy of it. Have I forgotten you? When I tried to forget you, I had just thought of you again. Are you, are you thinking of me now, as my mind revolves with your image, again and again? ~~~~~~~~ It was not a decision based on emotions when I decided to break the news to you. I had thought of it for months: The happiness that we shared, it is never going to last, and if that is so, why still pursue a love that is going to writhe away soon? Why create more happiness, when I know that this ring of glee is going to be part of a memory that you will dearly miss, and I will heartbreakingly forget? When I step out of the main door, I love you deeply, but am going to tell you that we are going to separate soon. The pain is not the separation: The pain is the love that we share; the love that was once so blissful is never going to be refreshed again. The pain is that we are still so much in love, yet we have to let go now. Only someone who had experienced this before will understand. Isn’t it ironic? It is my profound love for you that brought us together. Now, it is the same profound love that will separate us.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Away from SG for family trip
Before he went for a holiday with his family, here goes another message that he sent: Don't worry, I will always miss you baby. I'm really gonna miss you, don't leave me. Please be with me. I'm going off ya, gonna miss you and family; kiss
Is that how it feels? Everything seems so empty. For the last three months, every single movement seems empty. Even in a crowd of people, I feel lonely, I feel like you are the only person in the world who can wipe out the loneliness in me. Every single second, I think of you, I think of ways to make you smile, I imagine where are you now, and every single second, you are like a part of me, and I see you more than I see myself because the moment I close my eyes, your image stands in front of me. You had forgotten. You had forgotten me, Fiona Leong, the woman you promised to marry? The woman whom you loves – loved – so deeply? I took in deep breaths. You had once promised, never to leave me alone. Promises: Are they created to be broken?
Is that how it feels? Everything seems so empty. For the last three months, every single movement seems empty. Even in a crowd of people, I feel lonely, I feel like you are the only person in the world who can wipe out the loneliness in me. Every single second, I think of you, I think of ways to make you smile, I imagine where are you now, and every single second, you are like a part of me, and I see you more than I see myself because the moment I close my eyes, your image stands in front of me. You had forgotten. You had forgotten me, Fiona Leong, the woman you promised to marry? The woman whom you loves – loved – so deeply? I took in deep breaths. You had once promised, never to leave me alone. Promises: Are they created to be broken?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
On September 2nd, 2008
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Sayang sent: B, Happy one month. Good Luck for your paper today...haha. I'll wait till you finished off with your examinations. May we last, miss and love you; kisses.We have known each other for two hundred and eighteen days now. For the last few months, I have been exceptionally quiet. It used to be me calling you in the night more than you calling me. We are separated by a pair of closed gates between us. What you need to do is to push a button on your remote key and the gates will swing open: But if it swings open and breaks off the barrier between the both of us, the gates will hit me as it swing outwards towards me. Isn’t that an appalling reflection of our relationship? Breaking the barrier will allow us to be together, but one of us will be hurt. One of us has to give way, and I have volunteered to be the one.
Monday, February 23, 2009
The flashback starts
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Before I met you, I wondered why all the lyrics in love songs were so exaggerated: Why do lyricists create such mushy and overemotional sentences? Why can’t they just write a good melody without those melodramatic lyrics? That is plain exaggeration. Before I fell in love with you, I thought romance novels were just so silly: Why would a person cry for another person for hours? That is plain silliness. Before we became a couple, I thought romance movies were just so stupid: How could a person love another person so deeply that it became an obsession? How could one sacrifice so much, even to the extent of her own life, for her lover? That is plain stupidity. When I realized I had fallen so deeply in love with you, I finally understood that songs, novels and movies are just reflections of life, inspired by the writers’ true stories. Because when I decided to end our relationship, I realized our story mirrors a love song that I once heard, a novel I once read and a movie I once watched. I always ask myself, who will drive my soul after you're gone... Love means never having to say you're sorry but I will have to say sorry to you because love is no longer around. To forget you. Is not to remember you. Every single detail in life reflects you. Every MRT Station I see, every drink I drink, every shirt I wear. But to forget you, what I have to do is not to remember you: Not to remember that we once kissed at this MRT Station, not to remember that we once shared that drink, not to remember that you bought me that shirt. The utmost pain in this world is not breaking up with you: It is remembering the love that we once shared, yet there is no likelihood to revive this love once again. I don’t remember the tears; I only remember the pain.
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